E-mail your questions to counseling columnists Carolyn Hax and Amy Dickinson or study latest questions daily at Freep.

Dad flowing cereal for the kids (Photo: Andersen Ross, Getty Images/Blend pictures)

Dear Amy: I am presently dating/living with my sweetheart of three-years. He’s got a daughter (9 years old) from a previous matrimony we bring with our team any other weekend.

My personal boyfriend’s ex-wife features a daughter (era 14) from a previous commitment, who my boyfriend will sometimes refer to as their “stepson,” although as long as we have been with each other they have never spent when with your, nor got any contact with your, with the exception of from time to time watching the “stepson” when he drops littlepeoplemeet off/picks up his daughter.

We’ve got a vacation coming up, and my personal boyfriend’s girl invited the girl brother (the “stepson”) going without our permission.

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My sweetheart appears comfortable with the “stepson” heading, but I’m uncomfortable with-it.

For me the last should remain in the last, and there’s no reason at all in an attempt to co-mingle households (except for my personal boyfriend’s child).

I will in addition discuss that my personal sweetheart and his ex-wife comprise just collectively for three many years. What are your thinking about? In the morning we overreacting?

— Ripped

Dear Torn: we don’t know if you might be overreacting, however are definitely more responsible for over-punctuating.

The insistence on discussing your own guy’s stepson as a “stepson” — as though this can be controversial — was revealing.

The man you’re seeing got partnered with the boy’s mother, correct? Then kid may be the man’s stepson.

I’m sure many, many stepparents just who stay close to her stepchildren following relationship is finished. That is ideal not usually possible, particularly if the stepparent’s next partner features fast attitude towards “past staying in yesteryear,” and not “co-mingling people.”

Your own guy’s daughter should not need asked this teenager on your vacation, but — she’s 9. He’s the girl cousin. She most likely made some assumptions in what comprises a “family getaway” that merely don’t appear to pertain in such a case.

If this teenager lives together with his sibling and their mother, then he is within the girl’s lifestyle 10 circumstances more frequently than you’re. It would be fantastic in case the guy invested longer with your than waving over the garage.

A 9-year-old should not become making final selection concerning your holiday, you should consult with your partner regarding it privately and decide between your how to proceed.

In the event that you two pick to not include the son, you can easily describe it along these lines: “We’re not planning to add him now, but you’ve reminded me personally that We don’t discover him that better. Perhaps he’d like to hang out with us at some point using one on the vacations you’re right here. How Would You Like that?”

Dear Amy: My personal child gets partnered about 250 kilometers at home the following year. I’ve already asked my pals and relation if they thought they might sign up for, and simply 1 of 20 mentioned she may very well.

We advised my personal girl that she, their fiance and his awesome family members must casually poll their loved ones so they don’t put a deposit on a hallway for at least 100 people whenever merely 20 may take the invite.

My daughter says that might be a rude and unsatisfactory action to take.

I say it may rescue thousands of dollars if they have an unclear idea of the number of attendees to thinking about before committing to a sizable banquet hall that they’ll require financing to afford.

Preciselywhat are your thinking about this means, be sure to?

— Really Worried MOB

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Dear MOB: it’s not impolite to inquire of pals and relatives if they can be around for a marriage on a particular big date; some people try to make this happen by giving “save the date” notices far ahead of time, but (as if you) i recently believe it is wise to try to get a basic number before placing down in initial deposit.

However — this is your daughter’s wedding ceremony, perhaps not yours. Unless you’re funding this or are being questioned specifically for your input, you ought to allow partners take care of it.

It’s not a good idea to sign up for loans to cover weddings; starting wedded life in financial trouble for a one-day party was putting many stress on the pair.

Dear Amy: I experienced to laugh at the page from “Peeved,” whom resented the point that their particular friend (which could afford gurus) have required assistance mobile.

I simply experienced this enjoy last sunday! A bunch of you showed up to aid. One pal harmed their straight back, one pal fallen a table, and total it absolutely was an actual mess.

— Restored Mover

Dear Mover: I’m visualizing they today. Yikes.

DETROIT COMPLIMENTARY PRESS

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